For better results

Oh, so that’s how you do it!

Indisputable proof that an oil-dependent economy is evil.

Sometimes you have to fire your agent. This is one of those times.

Saw this spam in my Inbox this morning. Whenever this guy shows up for serious auditions now, people are going to say to him, “Hey, aren’t you that guy from the Huge Discount Viagra e-mail? I just love your work.”

(And what kind of sleaze ball do you have to be to give a thumbs-up to let all your douchey friends know the Viagra’s kicked in? I can practically smell the Drakkar Noir wafting up from the computer screen.)

12:33 pm PST: @fritchbeetle has suggested that the image used in the ad above may be a stock photo. Even if that’s the case, what in the world did the photographer say to get the kid to make that face? “Come on, that’s not creepy enough! Show me Matthew McConaughey at the High School Cheerleading Nationals!”

I only buy ice certified by the International Packaged Ice Association.

Seriously though. Does the world really need a governing body for packaged ice production? How hard is it to make quality ice? Dear Local Ice Co.: We regret to inform you that we cannot endorse your ice at this time. When you figure out how to get your ice icier than your average freezer-grade ice, get back to us.

My wife has gently suggested that it’s time for a trim. She’s even picked out a hairstyle for me.

Ever wonder how the other half lives?

Whenever I fly, I like to flip through the latest copy of Sky Mall, so I’m reminded of how the other half lives. Did you know that rich people have bars hidden away inside what appear to be antique globes? That their dogs have special ramps to make getting in the back of their Hummers more convenient? (We all know how much dogs hate to jump.) And that they, yes, even have special futuristic helmets for alleviating stress and tension (15 POINT MASSAGE!)? See below—it’s all true!

The Pschology of Play

From the back cover: ‘Cressida’, the chimpanzee, photographed by permission of Chessington Zoo. Interestingly enough, the little girl’s name was ‘Chimpy.’

Here’s the insignia for my pathetic attempts to get a ffffound invite.

By the way, if my pathetic attempt has worked, you can send my invite to dispatchy {{at}} ymail {{dot}} com. ;)